Recruiting done well has an awful lot in common with modern dating, in fact, they share many of the same rules and principles.

If you want to improve your success in recruiting long term employees or a new life partner – read the top sixteen rules you should follow!

Whether you are searching for your perfect new employee or your new life partner:

  1. Be honest with yourself about what is important to you and what you are really looking for!
  2. Be honest with those you meet about what you are looking for and what you have to offer!
  3. In modern recruiting, as in modern dating, you need to know where to publicise and how to present the opportunity!
  4. If you publicise the opportunity in the wrong location you are likely to end up with lots of dates and no relationship!
  5. If you want the best you have to know where to look and how to approach and engage with them!
  6. You don’t need to have dated/interviewed everyone in the market to know when you meet “the one”!
  7. Make sure the experience of meeting you is a positive one and keep the lines of communication open!
  8. Life partner or employee – you just know when they are “the one”!
  9. You know “the one” even when you don’t have anyone else to compare them against!
  10. If you aren’t sure, you shouldn’t marry them and you shouldn’t employ them!
  11. When you know they aren’t the one don’t string them along – tell them promptly and respectfully!
  12. Don’t choose the best of a bad bunch – you won’t change them and it won’t last!
  13. If you discover that what you thought you were looking for just isn’t out there, reassess your criteria and start your search again!
  14. Desperation, settling and strict timescales don’t generally lead to good decision making or to long-term relationships whether employee or life partner!
  15. The end of any relationship is difficult, upsetting for those around you and often expensive, starting the search all over again can be dispiriting!
  16. If you develop a reputation for short-term relationships you are unlikely to attract the best in the future!


Before you start looking, be honest with yourself about what is important to you, what you are looking for now and how you hope the relationship will develop in the future. If you don’t, your unspoken desires are likely to undermine any relationship you enter in to.

Be honest with those you meet about what is really important to you and the opportunity you have available. You can’t build a long-term relationship on a lie, you will be found out and you will be called to account!

In the modern world “the one” is unlikely to be in your immediate social group. You are going to need to publicise yourself and the opportunity but, you need to know which are the right places to advertise and how to best present the opportunity.

Advertise in the wrong location or with the wrong profile and at best you will get no “likes”, more likely, you will end up with lots of time-consuming and uncomfortable dates and no relationship.

Posting details about yourself alone is unlikely to be enough to attract “the one”. Good people are in high demand and you are going to have to do some leg work. You need to know where to look, you need to know how to search and you need to know how to approach those you think might be suitable – an inappropriate approach is likely to lead to a swift rejection and potential public embarrassment.

Ok, you may not ask your prospective life partner for a CV, so you won’t be able to assess their CV against a pre-determined skills and experience matrix. Nor will you have a pre-printed list of relevant questions that you ask every prospective life partner or a panel of trusted advisors who will each be grading the answers they give against an agreed scoring matrix – although all of these things may well improve the longevity of many relationships.

Relationships are two-sided in life and in recruitment. Make sure that every interaction you have with someone is a positive experience or they are likely to decide for you that the relationship just isn’t going to work. Be respectful in how you communicate, communicate promptly, adhere to any timeframes you have agreed and don’t leave them hanging.

While having a clear understanding of what a good candidate “looks like” is important, when everything else is equal, invariably you just know when you meet “the one”.

If you clearly understand what you want and what you need “the one” will be apparent, even when you have no-one to compare them against and without you having to interview/date every person you can for fear that you are missing out on someone better.

If you aren’t confident they are “the one” and even more importantly when you know they definitely aren’t “the one” don’t whatever you do ask them to marry you and don’t employ them.

When you know they aren’t “the one” be honest with yourself and be honest with them. Don’t string people along and whatever you do don’t ghost them. Tell them and tell them will respect and compassion – remember this is someone’s life you are messing with.

Don’t marry or employ the best of a bad bunch – you won’t change them and it won’t last and an unsuitable candidate doesn’t become any better just because you interview or date an even worse one!

If you find that the perfect person you thought you were looking for just isn’t out there, reassess your priorities and reassess those you met against these new priorities.

Don’t let desperation influence your decision, don’t commit to someone just because they are available and don’t let time become your deciding factor. Desperation leads to poor decision making, as does a strict timescale, which result in availability becoming the deciding factor as opposed to any of the really important criteria you know are vital to a long-term successful relationship.

The end of any relationship is traumatic, upsetting for those around you and starting the whole process again is always dispiriting. Even worse, if you develop a reputation for short term relationships whether with employees or life partners, you just won’t attract the best people in the future.

Just like in life when recruiting you need to know what you want, you need to know where to look and you need to be prepared to put some time and effort in to the search – the process may be a little more formalised when it comes to choosing your perfect next hire but, like in a relationship, knowing what you want and going out and finding it is paramount!


  • If you aren’t clear on what you want or what you need;
  • If you don’t know how or where to publicise the opportunity;
  • If you don’t know where to look, how to search to find what you are looking for or how to strike up a conversation with those you like the look of;
  • If you don’t know how to structure your meeting to really get to know and understand the person you are meeting;
  • If you don’t know how to accurately assess the people you meet against what is really important to you;
  • If you don’t know whether what you are looking for is out there or is reasonable;
  • If you are tired of finding that your relationships just don’t last;
  • If you are fed up of having to constantly start the whole process again; or,
  • If you simply can’t find “the one” – we can help.


At least with your recruiting – if not with your life partner!

We have over 40 years’ experience of recruiting in Norfolk, guarantee to find an ideal candidate within 7 days, have a 96% placement rate and provide up to a 100-day 100% refund guarantee.

Contact us now for a no-obligation discussion on the recruitment issues you are experiencing and the recruitment solutions we can offer.

The Recruiting Office – Bringing Talent & Opportunity Together!


Original article ‘Fifteen ways in which good recruiting is like the search for a new life partner!’ Article Written by Neil Scarborough Managing Director of The Recruiting Office


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